As a note of explanation, I was told by a certain department aide of mine that I looked like an off-brand Santa with my beard. The beard has since been reduced, but the legend lives on.
I'm sorry it's a little over 10 minutes, but the lecture is actually less than that.
Also, here are the lyrics to "Off-Brand Santa":
Why go to Meijer
When you can shop at ValuLand?
You can't beat the prices
On their food that's Spartan brand.
I always get my clothes
From St. Vincent de Paul.
I ain't gonna pay for Gucci
When Wal-Mart's just as good overall.
If I go and buy a plant
I'll never put it in a planta -
I guess that's why they call me,
They call me the off-brand Santa.
Yeah, they call me the off-brand Santa.
If you get a watch from me,
I prolly bought it off the street.
Rolex really ain't my jam -
Way too snooty and elite.
My shop's in South Dakota -
The North Pole is too expensive.
I don't really need the space -
My biz ain't that extensive.
If you see me drinking pop,
Instead of Coke it will be Fanta.
I guess that's just how I roll -
They call me the off-brand Santa.
Yeah, they call me the off-brand Santa.
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